


Point Me Towards Tomorrow

by MachineGunBallet



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Divorce, F/M, Gen, Post-Divorce, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27603482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MachineGunBallet/pseuds/MachineGunBallet
Summary: AU. After Lorelai leaves home Emily and Richard's relationship falls apart and Emily gets a second chance at motherhood and love.
Relationships: Emily Gilmore & Lorelai Gilmore, Emily Gilmore & Original Female Character(s), Emily Gilmore & Rory Gilmore, Emily Gilmore/Original Male Character(s), Emily Gilmore/Richard Gilmore (past)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Point Me Towards Tomorrow

Emily Gilmore wakes in the middle of the night to a painful back spasm that brings tears to her eyes, "please behave," she says to her big belly rubbing it as her baby kicks. 

If you had told her a year ago that she would be laying alone in a bed that is not her own, two weeks away from giving birth without a soul in the world to share the experience with she would have laughed. As she closes her eyes to try and sleep her mind drifts back to how she got to here.

~one year ago~

Emily reads the note and reads it again before handing it to Richard. "I'm going to bed," she says flatly. Her daughter is gone, two days after her 18th birthday, taking her 18 month-old granddaughter with her. The note makes it clear that she won't be coming back and she is numb. All she can do is focus on each breath, in and out, as she drags her leaden body up the stairs and into bed, she doesn't get changed, she doesn't even take her shoes off. That would take too much effort.

~eleven months ago~

"Emily you smell," Richard says trying to be patient with his wife. His life has gone back to normal, he took two days off and went back to work. There is nothing to be done and there is no point in wallowing, Emily though, she is paralyzed. 

"I showered three days ago Richard," Emily replies rolling over to face the wall. 

"You should be showering every day," Richard reasons.

"I don't need to," she says her voice high and thin, "I need Lorelai and Rory safe and home."

"They are safe, Lorelai has assured us of that," Richard says.

"They would be safer here," Emily says before closing her eyes, indicating to Richard that the conversation is over.

~ten months ago~

"You made an ass of yourself tonight Emily," Richard rants as they walk into the house.

"I got dressed, I put make up on, I went with you to that stupid party," Emily snaps.

"You got stinking drunk and wept during the dessert course in front of my most important clients," Richard rages. 

"They served chocolate soufflé, its Lorelai's favorite," Emily says in a small voice. 

"Emily, Lorelai's favorite is strawberry mousse! You are mourning a child you didn't even know," Richard says.

"Fuck you," Emily whispers, "I'll be sleeping in the pool house."

~nine months ago~

Richard comes home late to find Emily laying on their bed, her hair and makeup impeccable, wearing nothing but a smile, "I need you," she slurs and he knows she is drunk.

"Please?" she says sensing that he is going to reject her.

He doesn't want to but he doesn't want a scene so he gives in.

~eight months ago~

She has been feeling terrible for a week, nauseous and fatigued but she figures it is just the alcohol until she looks at her calendar and realizes she is 10 days late. She buys a test and takes it, it comes up positive, she buys a second and then a third, positive, positive. 

She can't get happy. Not yet. Twice before Lorelai and twice after she lost pregnancies. And anyway she doesn't know if she wants it. She is a terrible mother. Lorelai has been telling her that for years. Lorelai thought she was so terrible that she left. She sits on the bed in the guesthouse where she is still living and stares into space. 

~seven months ago~

"The baby looks healthy," her OB/GYN tells her looking at an sonogram print out. "Have you decided what you are going to do?"

"I'm keeping the baby," Emily says. 

Dr Walters starts telling Emily about the risks of pregnancy at her age but Emily doesn't really pay attention, for the first time in months she feels something other than dead inside.

~six months ago~

"Richard?" Emily asks as he stares blankly at her. She reached 12 weeks yesterday and she decided that now was the time to tell him about the baby.

"No Emily, we aren't doing this," Richard says after a long pause.

"Well I'm sorry but its too late," Emily says bitterly. 

"I am not going to be 62 and watching my child graduate from high school," he says.

"Well don't come!" Emily exclaims.

"Why didn't you use protection?" Richard asks furiously. 

"Because I was so depressed I couldn't shower let alone remember to take the pill," Emily spits. 

"You don't get a do over with motherhood Emily, what makes you think this time will be any different?" Richard asks.

"Well for one thing I won't be with you!" Emily screams at him.

~five months ago~

"Over there will be fine," Emily tells the movers who are carrying her tall boy into the two bedroom apartment she is renting in Hartford. 

"Yes ma'am," the mover responds. 

Emily had slept in the pool house for three weeks before deciding it was time to leave the house. A real estate agent acquaintance had gotten her a deal on this place and it is bland but nice and the view of the river from the small balcony is nice.

She rests her hand on her small bump and smiles.

~four months ago~

"Hello," she says to the baby as they kick against her hand while she reads, "do you like the Veleveteen Rabbit? My nanny used to read it to me when I was a girl and it was my favorite." Emily recalls.

She had started reading to the baby once they started moving, partly to fill the silence but mostly to bond with them. It has become her favorite part of the day.

~three months ago~

She signs the divorce papers without protest, she is getting a million and it is more than enough for her. she thinks she might want to work when the baby is older. She has a history degree she has never used and maybe she can teach, or work at a museum. She has something she has never had before. Freedom. She doesn't have to play perfect host to Richard's odious friends or sit on the board of every charity in Hartford. She will continue to sit on the boards of the charities she believes in because she genuinely enjoys the work and be involved in the DAR because it is important to her but she can be more now. She can be anything she wants to be. 

~two months ago~

Emily lays on her side in bed feeling huge and useless and for the first time since Lorelai left she wants Richard. She wants the comfort of his big warm hands rubbing her aching back until she remembers how awful he was to her, how he didn't want her or their baby, "its just you and me kid," she says to her belly as a tear rolls down her cheek.

~one month ago~

Emily isn't much of an artist but painting the giant tree mural on the wall of the nursery has been her joy for the last three weeks. She does most of the work at night when insomnia and back pain render her sleepless and she is proud of her efforts, "I'm ready for you now," she tells the baby rubbing her belly. 

~present~

Emily is almost asleep when she feels a gush of fluid warm and uncontrollable rush from somewhere deep within, "I'm not ready."

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from What I Did for Love from A Chorus Line, it's not Shelia Bryant's (the character Kelly Bishop played in the original Broadway cast of A Chorus Line) song but it is beautiful and fitting here.


End file.
